Honesty & Respect in Open Relationships - Questions

[Song Bird]

Jealousy and the matters of the heart always get in the way eventually.

I think I disagree with you on this, Sean. I don't believe that all open relationships are destined to fail. I have been in an open relationship for 7 monthes and I am very happy and in love. Yes, jealousy does come up, and it is always put out in the open. Me, my boyfriend, and his other girlfriend talk about our feelings up front, and don't let them fester. I think jealousy only becomes a problem if it's bottled up and hidden. I'll be the first to say that I often feel jealous of the other girl, but it's always known and talked about. I think that when there is honesty and compassion; open relationships can be very successful.

[Wanderer]

Originally Posted by Sean

They have an "open door" relationship, not an "open relationship." Open door meaning, either one of them can leave if they aren't happy. They prefer the "open door" concept of a relationship to the "closed door" concept of marriage, which is one reason why they probably never married. Hawn is pretty adamant that open relationships don't work.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/...in691732.shtml

Personally, I think a big key to their success is that they never got married. There's something about marriage that seems to really hurt a good relationship. I actually see marriage as the beginning of the end of the relationship. But that's just me.

Ha ... yes, maybe there is something about marriage, and its social implications, that brings it down! I know, at least 20 people, off the top of my head, that NEVER stepped into a church since their vows ... I think that makes it largely a social institution in the modern age, bringing with it many implications ...

I think GH and KR are trying to cover up sometimes, seems there have been inconsistencies in their story throughout the years ... Nonetheless, I have seen open and swinger arrangements that last ... I have a theory that it is part of one's temperament, to which type of relationship(s) would work best ...

[Sean]

Originally Posted by Song Bird

I think I disagree with you on this, Sean. I don't believe that all open relationships are destined to fail. I have been in an open relationship for 7 monthes and I am very happy and in love. Yes, jealousy does come up, and it is always put out in the open. Me, my boyfriend, and his other girlfriend talk about our feelings up front, and don't let them fester. I think jealousy only becomes a problem if it's bottled up and hidden. I'll be the first to say that I often feel jealous of the other girl, but it's always known and talked about. I think that when there is honesty and compassion; open relationships can be very successful.

Well, ok. I think like your situation there are exceptions. But really though, you have to know that your relationship is definitely not the norm. Right? I think it's reasonable to say that when it comes to open relationships in our culture - more of them fail than last overall, statistically speaking. Would you agree with that? The overwhelming majority of (western) women are not going to be willing to put up with an open relationship for the rest of their lives.

I think there are cultural reasons why they tend to fail. The only exception that I'm aware of where there is a lot of leeway with open relationships is Japan. In Japan they just don't really have the same kind of beliefs about infidelity and sex outside of relationships. Their culture is not based on Judeo Christian beliefs about love, marriage and sex. They're much more lax about it, because they have a very different outlook on love and desire. They keep them separate. The wives basically know and "allow" their husbands to have sexual relationships outside of the marriage. They do this because they know it's just "desire" and not "love" for the other women, and they know that their Japanese husbands will always come back to their wives. But I think I recall reading that most Japanese wives report low satisfaction with their marriage. I find that very interesting.

So....it's a confusing topic actually. Humans are not naturally monogamous, but they tend to want monogamy at certain points in their lives (usually when they fall deeply in love) and honestly I really just don't see open relationships lasting if two people are really in love with each other. When you're in love, people typically don't want to spend any time with anyone else. They just want to be with each other. All. The. Time. The thought of their partner hooking up with someone else is devastating. I've even come across fascinating studies that show that women actually "block out" all other potential mates when they fall in love with a guy. It's like they don't even "register" as a possibility in their minds. Stuff like that really goes against the concept of maintaining a successful open relationship.

[Satyr]

Ha, I didn't know Johnny Soporno and Violet are Japanese...

Dragon, I'd really like to know how this is developing. Seems interesting to see wetter a "closed" long term relationship (marriage is irrelevant to me) can be changed into an "open" relationship.

I think Johnny S's free video's can help you a bit. Personally (but just taking a wild guess) I would just be upfront and tell her you are in an open relationship. I think that in itself would lead to an interesting conversation. Taboo stuff is hot you know...

[Sean]

Violet is a frikken porn star. Soporno is in the porn industry. I mean, come on. Monogamy might as well equal death for people in the porn biz. It's their kryptonite.

[Bjorn Falkenstrom]

- deleted message -

[TonySoprano]

Being married, if you're in a business, that sort of does help your image and people take you more seriously. However, I don't really buy that I'd have to do that if I have one.
If they don't take me seriously, well I'll just start firing people. Then they'll take me seriously.

I don't have anything against marriage or people who do it, but I find it is pretty problematic for those involved. I mean, now everything you do, you have to explain to someone else, every friend you make, you have to explain to someone else. This is why I am really appreciating being single right now, I don't have to explain anything to anyone. It doesn't mean I don't want a girl, it just means I don't want to be committed like that.

I could handle explaining a few things, but not every single action I take.

(4th Question)
Her: "Where are you going?"
Me: "I'm going streiking!!"

[Bjorn Falkenstrom]

Originally Posted by TonySoprano

I don't have anything against marriage or people who do it, but I find it is pretty problematic for those involved. I mean, now everything you do, you have to explain to someone else, every friend you make, you have to explain to someone else. This is why I am really appreciating being single right now, I don't have to explain anything to anyone. It doesn't mean I don't want a girl, it just means I don't want to be committed like that.

I could handle explaining a few things, but not every single action I take.

(4th Question)
Her: "Where are you going?"
Me: "I'm going streiking!!"

I judge this to be a lot of assumptions, probably not true, of how relationships must be

[BodyGuard101]

You may want to read some articles form Steve Pavlina

Intimacy Abundance and Label-Free Relationships
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...relationships/

Polyamorous Relationship Q&A
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...lationship-qa/

Adventures in Polyamory
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...-in-polyamory/

[TonySoprano]

Originally Posted by Bjorn Falkenstrom

I judge this to be a lot of assumptions, probably not true, of how relationships must be

Yeah... you're right. But I would answer like that if she asked me.
That's only how I imagine it would be... like your girlfriend is a police officer and you're the fugitive. But I'm also kind of child-like from many years of unbridled freedom, whoever decides to be next to me will deserve a medal from someone who said "How do you keep him under control?"