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Old 06-04-2009   #1
BDannyOcean
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Default The Non-Self Destructive Bad Boy

I've been long pondering what a "bad boy" really is. Though even the word itself is in itself a sexual elixir for women, I contend the allure of a badboy for men is just as strong, if not stronger.

But what is he, really? In the last 5 years, I've seen many men dress down to ripped jeans, leather jackets, tattoos, bandanas and even funky sunglasses to try to portray the image. And to their credit, these men are almost always surrounded by women -- perhaps not girlfriends or lovers, but at the very least friends.

This led me to start asking multiple women what a bad boy is. I was surprised to find out that most women would describe a badboy as a man who is unabashed in his sexuality. A man who doesn't give women the wrong signals about who he is...one that can take her on an emotional roller coaster ride, make her feel like a rebel, excite her, but in the end she knows that he's hopeless and it won't go anywhere meaningful.

Amazing. On one such occasion, I asked a group of female friends the question, and I was surprised when one of them replied, "you're a bad boy."

Huh? Moi?

"Pardon me but I'm no leather touting, motorcycle riding, rock music punk fanatic, miss. I have a life, a career, I enjoy music, writing, poetry, opera. I have friends, I don't do drugs, I train diligently for traithlons and mountaineering expeditions. How in the world can you say that about me? I'm the furthest thing from what a bad boy is."

Then one of her friends, someone I don't know, replied back with a remark that I was ready for. "If that's all true, you're the best kind of bad boy there is. You're the one that's not self-destructive."

Rarely do women stop me in my tracks and leave me without words. And here it was happening in the middle of Skybar in public.

I was floored. I never thought of myself as such. In my fruitful search for what a badboy really is, had I really become one without even knowing?

And then, I did what I always do when faced with difficult challenges. I slow down, breathe, and think.

All this time, I've been operating under the false premise that badboys are an image...a stereotype, when in fact the truth is they are personality trait. A badboy isn't a jerk, a cocky arrogant muscle head, or even a brooding loner on his motorcycle. It could be a guy that's nothing more than a software programmer, or even one that writes music.

A badboy is a type of personality. Zan has a badboy personality. So does Johnny. So does my man Badboy himself!

In essence, what I've learned is that a badboy is just someone who refuses to exist within the confines of social norm. That social norm can apply to anything but most importantly applies to his interaction with women. Since he has no use for him to validate her, he is free to say, do and think what he wants. He can compliment her without an agenda, or ignore her if he chooses...in the end, the choice about he is going to act is his, not hers.

Most badboys use that power self-destructively. Their choices have to do with destructive habits of being arrogant, mean, self-loathing, than they do with constructive habits.

But a non-self destructive badboy? Perhaps developing that personality is what this forum is all about...
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Old 06-04-2009   #2
EricJames
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Maybe this is what this forum needs, more insight type posts. I'm willing to submit that being a badboy is not just a personality trait, it's a lifestyle. And to design such lifestyle one has to start with breaking down common societal beliefs and conceptions in order to free himself from this imposed prison and feel free.

I think the core need for many men and women (especially women) is to feel free from the daily barrage of messages about how we should behave. Badboys not only represent this freedom, they live it! When you see someone in a motorcycle with tatoos and a leather jacket, you can read his message loud and clear: "Fuck you society, I'm gonna live my life the way I want to!!" This is VERY appealing to a lot of people.

However, as BDanny mentioned, there is a lot of self-destruction that comes with that particular interpretation or version of lifestyle which women do not like. So they are picky, they want the freedom it brings, but they don't want the self-destruction. Someone like BDanny or Zan represent a very different version of the same type of lifestyle. They also raise their middle finger to society's norms and rules but they don't do it with anger, drugs and alcohol. They do it with romance and healthy lifestyles. When women sense this, they KNOW they can get both the freedom they so hardly crave and the comfort of someone who will not kill themselves in a drug-induced frenzy. They can have their cake and eat it too.

Excellent post mate!!
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Old 06-04-2009   #3
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Default Brando Exudes the Personality of a "Bad Boy"

As you watch these videos, keep in mind what BDanny wrote regarding a "bad boy" personality vs. style. Brando exudes a charisma which is unshakeable in these interviews:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It968-zzSAs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ-D3...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDE4h...eature=related

BDanny, it seems that the "Non-Self Destructive Bad Boy" and "Dark Natural" have much in common. If so, would you agree that Cary Grant and George Clooney have this kind of personality?

-SOS
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Old 06-04-2009   #4
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Mr Ocean strikes again! How ironic that you posted this. I too was talking to women about this very same topic last night, and I too was accused of being a Badboy . It seems that women pick up instantly on these attributes that so few men carry. But as BDanny say's, it's not about being a jerk, it's about being something much deeper. It's about how you can instantly ignite a spark in a woman's soul. It's about looking into a woman's eye's so deep, you can see her world through her eye's. It's about being able to make a woman feel something so diffferent towards you.

There is so much to say about this personality trait. Can you pull it off? If you young scoundrel's dig deep enough in this forum, maybe in the treasure chest, you will find the answer's.
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Old 06-04-2009   #5
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Wow. Just a couple of hours ago I was talking to a girl on the phone, and for the first time to my knowledge, I was called a bad boy. Just like this post! I ended up joking how being a bad boy is much better then being a nice guy, and made a comment about how the nice guy can be the worst of all as he always buys a girl flowers, expecting sex in return.

But seeing this thread and experiencing something strikingly similar just a couple hours ago is a little crazy. I too wasn't sure if I would classify myself as a bad boy, as I don't smoke, do drugs, rarely drink, don't ride motorcycles... but I do have long hair and play rock music! I saw bits of how I've been the past several months in the description that the women gave BDanny, so perhaps I do have a bit of a 'bad boy' in me.

Still *very* interesting to hear about this non-destructive bad boy...
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Old 06-04-2009   #6
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Haha yes. I think much of what a badboy is, is shown to her by his smirk and the twinkle in his eyes. It says; "Hey, I'm onto you, you naughty little girl ".
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Old 06-05-2009   #7
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BDannyOcean

Nice to see that you are back with us here at the Natural Game Forum.

First of all I don't know you that well. From your post above I don't think or would see you as a bad guy. You said yourself that you were a bit amazed by getting that answer yourself.

Most people have only heared of Nice Guy and Bad Guy. So out of these 2 I think you are more of the Bad Guy type but from your post I think that you are not a Bad Guy! So what do I think you are? I think that Zan and seemingly you to are of the third and very important type of guy that is called the Good Guy. From what you wrote above I got the impression that you are this Good Guy type.
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Old 06-05-2009   #8
Bjorn Falkenstrom
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Women sure seem to like guys who are badboys and it was interesting to get an idea from you Mr. Ocean what it means in the non-stereotypical fashion.

Like most of you, I have none of the clothing requirements, tatoos or drug habits of the mainstream stereotypical badboy, yet Ive been called one.

In fact, last time was in a moment of deep intimacy where we gazed into eachothers eyes, attraction was high and she called me a badboy right before our lips met.

Before that, she had talked about trying to tame me but it was obvious she wanted to fail. They want the untamable man, even though they will try to tame him over and over.

The Badboy has some wild element to him. Like he does what he wants, and as previously stated, runs his own race, and this is communicated through his attitude (toward women and people in general).

Great post Mr. Ocean.
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Old 06-05-2009   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BDannyOcean View Post
... a badboy is just someone who refuses to exist within the confines of social norm. That social norm can apply to anything but most importantly applies to his interaction with women. Since he has no use for him to validate her, he is free to say, do and think what he wants. He can compliment her without an agenda, or ignore her if he chooses...in the end, the choice about he is going to act is his, not hers ...
This is it, right here ... had an immediate effect on me when I read this ... have been looking myself for this breakdown. I have been, maybe unlike a lot of you guys it sounds, always been called a badboy ... I am coming at this from the other side ... A badboy trying to navigate and be less self-destructive perhaps ! So, this resonates either way ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDannyOcean View Post
... Most badboys use that power self-destructively. Their choices have to do with destructive habits of being arrogant, mean, self-loathing, than they do with constructive habits ...
Phase shifting out of this mode is always a good thing, but we need more posts and insights into how to retain our edge WHEN society is always trying to push us into that "this way is good for society, security" space ... If we get better at coping with that inevitable and constant societal pressure, then we don't need to resort to the above self-destructiveness ... However, some guys started their badboy image from that space, and those are the ones (like me) who need to cultivate an appreciation for society and SOME of its ideals instead ... Again, I am coming from the other side of this having mostly been the self-destructive badboy out of the gate ...

Great insights I gained in this thread. Thanx for that, fellas ...
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Old 06-05-2009   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BDannyOcean View Post
In essence, what I've learned is that a badboy is just someone who refuses to exist within the confines of social norm. That social norm can apply to anything but most importantly applies to his interaction with women. Since he has no use for him to validate her, he is free to say, do and think what he wants. He can compliment her without an agenda, or ignore her if he chooses...in the end, the choice about he is going to act is his, not hers.

Most badboys use that power self-destructively. Their choices have to do with destructive habits of being arrogant, mean, self-loathing, than they do with constructive habits.

But a non-self destructive badboy? Perhaps developing that personality is what this forum is all about...
Yeah I agree completely and like you I've always been turned off by the typical, "Badboy" i.e. Biker / Gangster (Wanksta?) who gets in fights all the time, always negative, etc.

You gave the exact definition I was thinking as well. Its just somebody that really doesn't worry about what others think... HOWEVER this doesn't mean he is uncaring and cold. He may very well be quite caring, but he's doing it because of his own core belief not because of what somewhat else thinks, or will do or say. He can't be controlled or contained. When parents can't get their kid to do what they want they say, "You're a bad boy"? Same as when you become an adult...
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