First Dating endings

[TheAdventurer]

Another date tonight that ended in an awkward moment.
Well there were 2 awkward moments.

The date was going really well. I actually was not really looking forward to hanging out with this girl! She wasn't much personality-wise on text or on the phone, so I envisioned a potential boring time out.

But, to my surprise, in person she was very lively and interesting. We had a fun time chatting over a beer and went to this place where they have arcade games. After that we went to another bar and had a fun chat for a bit. When we left that place, I kind of grabbed her arm and she pulled it away! I've never had that happen before. I was kind of in shock, considering we both seemed to be having a good time and it seemed touching was more than appropriate. But she kept talking as if nothing bad had happened.

So I drove her home, and she invited me out for next weekend! I thought she must be interested. So I parked the car and got out to give her a hug goodbye. SHE went for a kiss and it was super awkward because I was already going for just a hug so I pulled my head back so that I could properly kiss her. She clearly wasn't up for an open-mouth kiss even though I tried that. Very awkward ending, I'm actually wondering if she is just turned off on the whole thing now. BLAH, not how I wanted to end that one at all.

I'm amazed at all the guys I hear talking about how they did this that and the other thing on the first date. The last 3-4 first dates I've had, the girl has been very conservative and even touching does not seem appropriate to them. Maybe it's who I'm picking, or something I'm doing. It seems like if I don't do enough physical up front, its met with rejection later, but if I try to get physical too early, it's met with rejection up front! Pretty frustrating.

[Lady Skye]

You are going to hear this from a few guys here...so I will start with it

Pay attention to her cues...listen to instinct. You may judge incorrectly, especially at first, but in time you will get to the point where you can read most people.

I generally don't do more than a simple kiss on a first date...unless he has totally connected with me and I feel some serious chemistry. It's generally not something I even think about...but still. I don't like to feel like he is pushing.

Watch how she relates to you. Is she leaning in? Is she touching you? Gaze into her eyes...you can see a lot there.

It sounds complicated. The biggest thing I think most people are missing is that it is suppose to be fun. Not some big analytical think tank session. Just go with it. if you mess up...so what?! She isn't the last woman in the world...
I mean, she's not the best either...that would be me!

LOL

Just have fun..talk...laugh. Laughter makes people comfortable and releases those happy endorphins. Be light...and watch her response. You'll know.

[Richard Fletcher]

Originally Posted by TheAdventurer

The date was going really well. I actually was not really looking forward to hanging out with this girl! She wasn't much personality-wise on text or on the phone, so I envisioned a potential boring time out.

Why would you agree to spend your time with a girl who doesn't appear to be much personality-wise?

It's as if you're telling yourself that you haven't got many other options, and this is the best you can do, so you have to take what you can get.

[The Alchemist]

Originally Posted by Lady Skye

You are going to hear this from a few guys here...so I will start with it

Pay attention to her cues...listen to instinct. You may judge incorrectly, especially at first, but in time you will get to the point where you can read most people.

I generally don't do more than a simple kiss on a first date...unless he has totally connected with me and I feel some serious chemistry. It's generally not something I even think about...but still. I don't like to feel like he is pushing.

Watch how she relates to you. Is she leaning in? Is she touching you? Gaze into her eyes...you can see a lot there.

It sounds complicated. The biggest thing I think most people are missing is that it is suppose to be fun. Not some big analytical think tank session. Just go with it. if you mess up...so what?! She isn't the last woman in the world...
I mean, she's not the best either...that would be me!

LOL

Just have fun..talk...laugh. Laughter makes people comfortable and releases those happy endorphins. Be light...and watch her response. You'll know.

This is quite true. Personally you should be focusing on having a good time and enjoying yourself rather than planning a move, executing a move and analyzing the effectiveness of the just executed move. Thats how generals plan wars (and you know how a lot of THOSE end).

Honestly if you have a good time AND there is chemistry between you, she will jump you faster than you can say "have a good night".

[TheAdventurer]

Originally Posted by Lady Skye

You are going to hear this from a few guys here...so I will start with it

Pay attention to her cues...listen to instinct. You may judge incorrectly, especially at first, but in time you will get to the point where you can read most people.

I generally don't do more than a simple kiss on a first date...unless he has totally connected with me and I feel some serious chemistry. It's generally not something I even think about...but still. I don't like to feel like he is pushing.

Watch how she relates to you. Is she leaning in? Is she touching you? Gaze into her eyes...you can see a lot there.

It sounds complicated. The biggest thing I think most people are missing is that it is suppose to be fun. Not some big analytical think tank session. Just go with it. if you mess up...so what?! She isn't the last woman in the world...
I mean, she's not the best either...that would be me!

LOL

Just have fun..talk...laugh. Laughter makes people comfortable and releases those happy endorphins. Be light...and watch her response. You'll know.

Thanks, good points. I find wild variations in the leaning in/touching being indicators of interest. Some women are simply more touchy and some are less so.

I wasn't actually worried about "messing up", actually thought she messed up a little more than I did! I think the thing was I felt some really great chemistry, and she likely only felt a little chemistry. Onward!

[TheAdventurer]

Originally Posted by Richard Fletcher

Why would you agree to spend your time with a girl who doesn't appear to be much personality-wise?

It's as if you're telling yourself that you haven't got many other options, and this is the best you can do, so you have to take what you can get.

Not at all. I met her in person a couple weeks ago. She seemed cool and interesting, but I didn't spend enough time with her to know what she's like. Her texts were boring and she wasn't much on the phone, but I don't eliminate women on this basis, it's just one potential indicator.

[TheAdventurer]

Originally Posted by The Alchemist

This is quite true. Personally you should be focusing on having a good time and enjoying yourself rather than planning a move, executing a move and analyzing the effectiveness of the just executed move. Thats how generals plan wars (and you know how a lot of THOSE end).

Honestly if you have a good time AND there is chemistry between you, she will jump you faster than you can say "have a good night".

Interesting. I don't find this to be the case. I've had dates where we are clearly both having a great time & good chemistry, and she is still waiting for me to make the first move. Maybe you've got a better cologne than I!

[Satyr]

Not a lot that I can see from your post about what you have been "doing wrong". Perhaps you are a bit too serious about such things. Keep it light-hearted, especially when awkward things happen. Slow down, give her time, build the tension.

Actually you got to have that tension right from the start. Do not save your sexuality for the "appropriate time", like the moment you say goodbye. Always be sexual, but not in a way that discomforts her too much. (Although a little discomfort is fun in my opinion...)

[GoneSavage]

"She wasn't much personality-wise on text or on the phone, so I envisioned a potential boring time out." = "Very awkward ending, I'm actually wondering if she is just turned off on the whole thing now."

"BLAH, not how I wanted to end that one at all."

Yes, it is. You predicted it.

Where are you leading? Where are you exhibiting that you are the flame, not the moth?

This looks like "close your eyes and hope for the best" strategy.

And we know hope is never a good strategy.

Listen, seduction is a process. Women are starved for this process. Create the experience. Awaken her senses. Allow everything that is borded and numb to vanish in your company. Allow her to sit back and relax, comforted by your creative lead. Allow the whole world to melt away to the point where all she is aware of is what is taking place right here, right now, present moment, with the guy who cared enough to give her this gift and make it happen.

"It seems like if I don't do enough physical up front, its met with rejection later, but if I try to get physical too early, it's met with rejection up front! Pretty frustrating."

Talk about this with women. Women are the only real seduction teachers.

Above all, give yourself permission to learn. Make mistakes, go easy on yourself. Ease and delight.

[Constantine]

This is just one of many perspectives.

Originally Posted by TheAdventurer

The date was going really well. We had a fun time chatting over a beer and went to this place where they have arcade games. After that we went to another bar and had a fun chat for a bit.

It sounds like your getting allong as good "friends".

When we left that place, I kind of grabbed her arm and she pulled it away!

"kind of" grabbed her arm? does that sound like a Man who knows what he wants and takes it? Quite a bit of time has past into the date, why would you try to touch her now? Changing the rules on her from not being dominant/touching to trying to grab? I write this only to show you your contradiction, I already know the answer as to why you did it.

So I drove her home, and she invited me out for next weekend!

Great, she still sees you as a friend and a future potential boyfriend.

SHE went for a kiss

Shes setting the pace, she doesn't let you touch her... and at the end of her dates... she kisses. Your getting closer to being the future boyfriend. Great. Im guessing thats your intention. Becuase so far thats what you have been letting her believe, on the date she's... taking you on. Shes doing the leading so far.

The last 3-4 first dates I've had, the girl has been very conservative and even touching does not seem appropriate to them.

Thats your fault. You set the pace. They follow your lead. If you keep getting the same results... don't you think you should make some changes? Its like sticking your finger in the electric socket... and you continue to do the same thing... you haven't learned.

Maybe it's who I'm picking

Nope, its not the girls. Don't blame them for your lack of knowledge or leadership.

or something I'm doing.

Yup,... take responsibility for your actions.. or lack of.

It seems like if I don't do enough physical up front, its met with rejection later, but if I try to get physical too early, it's met with rejection up front! Pretty frustrating.

Re-read this post again from a different perspective. Take responsibility to make the necessary changes to get the results you want. I have to generalize this, but, you have to set the atmoshere for the girls to be comfortable around you, for them to allow you do as you please. You can't keep your hands to youself the first half of the date, and then all of a sudden become the touchy guy. She tried to kiss you at the end of the date, because shes dated guys like you before who let her do the leading and the touching. You let her lead... and shes going to lead you into the type of relationship she want to have with you. Shes setting the rules.


As Lady Sky put it:

I generally don't do more than a simple kiss on a first date...unless he has totally connected with me and I feel some serious chemistry. It's generally not something I even think about...but still. I don't like to feel like he is pushing.

I make my dates feel like... "it just happend" and we were in the moment. We were just having fun, and living in the moment. You have to create the experience, you have to lead. You have to be the Man.