To win an ex back...or not?

[James Bond]

Originally Posted by Harp

You know what scares me more than anything? EFFORT. Having to go out and try your hardest to meet women is such a pain in the ass for me. Tons of effort, little reward.

Harp... with that mindset it is really hard to seduce, you will look anxious, uncomfortable, and girl won't find you attractive.

Seduction has very few to do with "effort". Seduction is happiness, is having fun!! Loving you and offering the best of you to her!! It's not: "what should I do know? what do I say? next step?" No. It's smile and wink, and have fun while being yourself!

Seduction is like a dance! Know yourself, find your amazing compelling traits. Then enjoy yourself and share your magic world with a wonderful woman you really like!! Everything goes natural, easy, the both of you sharing the best of you and having fun together...

[Harp]

Originally Posted by James Bond

Harp... with that mindset it is really hard to seduce, you will look anxious, uncomfortable, and girl won't find you attractive.

Seduction has very few to do with "effort". Seduction is happiness, is having fun!! Loving you and offering the best of you to her!! It's not: "what should I do know? what do I say? next step?" No. It's smile and wink, and have fun while being yourself!

Seduction is like a dance! Know yourself, find your amazing compelling traits. Then enjoy yourself and share your magic world with a wonderful woman you really like!! Everything goes natural, easy, the both of you sharing the best of you and having fun together...

I agree with what you're saying...but part of the reason I'm discouraged right now is because I WAS that way with my ex much of the time. I was fun, happy, flirty, etc. I was able to have normal conversations with her and not have to use techniques. And she still lost interest, because I wasn't sexually aggressive enough with her, and I turned her off in other subtle ways.

I realize this is probably as much about her personality as it is about my inexperience dating. I'm just concerned about how hard it is to meet the right girls. They seem to be so few and far between. If I couldn't keep my ex around, and this was a girl I thought I really clicked with, then how hard must it be to meet someone who WILL work out with me?

[James Bond]

Harp, I get your point. You were fine, flirty, cool, comfortable... but when she dumped you you felt very bad. Have you really found out why you felt that way?

Do you think that I am not rejected? Do you think Zan, Hans, Dylan, or any other guy in this forum, it doesn't matter his great looks, personality, aura, money, whatever... can seduce ALL the girls?

Fuck off!! Stop judging yourself guilty! In this dance you do the 50%. Do you think that just doing your half perfectly... means you will have the girl?? From all what you posted I still think she's not what you deserve. Ok. You still have a lot of affection, love and feelings toward her. Time will heal all wounds. Just improve your life and be a better man for the next wonderful (and sure very better) woman you will met in a few weeks/months...

I realize this is probably as much about her personality as it is about my inexperience dating.

You have the answers inside. Grow more experience. Make a journey towards excellence and being a GREAT man. You will do better next time. Forgive her and yourself. Open your heart and eyes for amazing new opportunities. Don't cry because you can't see the sun, or the tears won't let you see the stars...

Just ENJOY life, love, beauty and women. The only one who doesn't win in seduction is not whom doesn't get girls, but the one who doesn't have fun!!

[Harp]

I think the real reason I'm not getting over her more quickly is because of my masochistic drive. Part of me WANTS to be hurt because that's where I'm most comfortable. I automatically cling to painful memories of when she was attracted to me and contrast it with how she feels now, because part of me LIKES hurting myself. And I also like overanalyzing things because it takes my mind away from all the real issues I need to tackle in my life.

I have to change that if I'm ever want to successfully date someone. This is at the very core of why I struggle with women so much.