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     the girl will not let me go


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Old 06-01-2012   #1
saiyan
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: california
Posts: 55
Default the girl will not let me go

I havent been on the forums for awhile, hope you guys are all good, but I need some help with this one

Im going to do some summarizing so bare with me if you get lost and let me know if you want to something clarified. Long story short me and this girl get close but only as friends.

Then she gets a boyfriend, however at this point I can’t take the pain of liking her and not having her. So I tell her that I cant see her anymore And she starts crying….thats right….crying… and she calls me an asshole and a bad friend. Pretty much I felt like shit lol :/. I dont really see her for about a year

Then tragedy struck when one of her best friends died. I called her to give her some support and then thats when the 2 am phone calls started. Bascially for about 5 months, on any given night, I would get phone calls from her at 1-2 in the morning and they would last for about 2-3 hours each time. And this time the flirting really started. Like VERY HEAVY FLIRTING. I legitimately would say “you realize we’re going to end up together” or “you realize where going to sleep together” and she wouldn’t deny it or accept but she would take the comment as is. She even says how she thinks about me on a daily basis.

So of course, I started having feelings for her again, all while she is still with her boyfriend. Then we both go to Vegas. And we did alot of touching and massaging and such while we were in vegas, no hooking up though because she was still with her boyfriend

Then about 2 months ago she tells me how shes breaking up with her boyfriend. I kind of let my emotions get to me, and asked her how she feels about me. She said “I don’t know, I just got of something,” And I really don’t know why, but I started getting more emotional, Im like “give me a chance, id do anything for you” completely out of character for me, but what can you do. We end the phone call, then she sends me a text the next saying how she does not want to lead me on and that she still wants me in her life, and I respond by saying “I’m sorry I cant I care about you to much” pretty much same thing as a year ago.

Then about a month passes and she calls me at midnight, I call her back in the morning and we start talking and we talk about how much we care and miss each other. We make plans to hang out but she flakes and she doesn’t call me back for about 3 weeks, then AGAIN, she calls me saying how much she misses and thinks about me, and again we make plans. And were going to hang out this Sunday.

Which I have decided to try and kiss her, its about time I try and see what happens.

Im writing this post to find out what to do when the person cant let go. when I try to get space and leave, she either cries or says how much she misses me and wants me around. Either way I end feeling bad for not being there for her. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!! HELP!!

sorry for the long post
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Old 06-02-2012   #2
JPender
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Location: California
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Wow.

Sounds like a lot of drama to me.

Is this something that you really want in your life?

Ease and Delight is the way I like to see my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by saiyan View Post
sorry for the long post
Why apologize for the length of your post?

Nice guys apologize way too much and typically never stand up for themselves in order to get what they want.

I think this might be at the core of your problem.

Stand up for what you want and do not want.

Phone calls at 2am would not be cool with me. This is an area where I would say you need to stand up for what you do not want in your life.

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Originally Posted by saiyan View Post
Which I have decided to try and kiss her, its about time I try and see what happens.
ACTION! Yes this is what you need more of. Take the reins in your life and make things happen. To not stand on the sidelines in your own life.

I would be careful about pursuing things further with this lady though ~ it just sounds like more trouble than what it is worth.
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Confidence is a consequence of action, not a prerequisite. ~ Hans Comyn
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Old 06-02-2012   #3
saiyan
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: california
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man you have no idea, its gotten to the point that im like WTF!! Im not sure whether i care or if im just around to make sure she isnt sad.

During one of the phone calls she said how if anything happens to me she would kill herself. i was like "what are you saying?" she was probably really vulnerable at the time, but i mean how often do you hear things like that, i mean my parents love me more than anything, and i have never heard that from them.

If this was any other friend zone thing, i would have left long ago, but of course the circumstances are much different.

As of right now, im pursuing another girl, who apprently looks like her LMAO so well see what happens
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Old 06-02-2012   #4
Harp
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: minnesota
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Go for the other girl and de-prioritize the first one. She basically manipulated you...you failed to act in a strong, confident way, and she now knows she can push you around. You'll take her calls at 3am, you'll let her call you an asshole, you'll gush your feelings to her while she doesn't reciprocate. This is classic "nice guy" behavior, as JPender pointed out. And nice guys finish last with women, as we all know.

Do NOT act like that with this new girl! Lead her confidently and do NOT tell her you'll do anything for her or any of that nonsense.

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Old 06-07-2012   #5
munishbhasin1
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Disappear from her life for a week . Stop replying to her calls for 3-4 days.

Don't be too available. Otherwise she will start resenting you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by saiyan View Post
man you have no idea, its gotten to the point that im like WTF!! Im not sure whether i care or if im just around to make sure she isnt sad.

During one of the phone calls she said how if anything happens to me she would kill herself. i was like "what are you saying?" she was probably really vulnerable at the time, but i mean how often do you hear things like that, i mean my parents love me more than anything, and i have never heard that from them.

If this was any other friend zone thing, i would have left long ago, but of course the circumstances are much different.

As of right now, im pursuing another girl, who apprently looks like her LMAO so well see what happens
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Old 10-12-2012   #6
GirlsChaseMe
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by munishbhasin1 View Post
Disappear from her life for a week . Stop replying to her calls for 3-4 days.

Don't be too available. Otherwise she will start resenting you.
I couldn't agree more. Notice how every time you pursue her it pushes her away and every time you ignore her she's desperate for you?

I think deep down that you want this girl but you have pride and don't want to humiliate yourself.

Just stop the pursuing and she will be yours, on your terms with no risk of humiliation. She's acting up because of your behavior. Just relax and she will calm down.
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